"I look mad, bad or sad!" Our signature FFA explained
“My staff is afraid to approach me because I look angry.”
“I get asked all the time if I’m mad.”
“I have a great life, and am successful but i get told I look sad.”
“I used to look great, but in the last year or two, I no longer look like myself.”
“I get told I have RBF.”
If you’re a woman ages 30-55, it is likely at least one of these comments is something you have said. Or at least thought.
You think it is a fear of ageing…
So, many of you set out to get treated.
For those pesky 11s. Or forehead lines. Or even, crows feet.
Except…something went wrong.
- You ended up feeling frozen
- You ended up feeling like an “elephant was sitting on my forehead!”
- “I didn’t look right”
- “I felt like the first few weeks after treatment, I was fighting my face to be able to express myself.”
It is not you. It is what we get sold as “ageing gracefully”.
Except…
You have fallen into the trap that frozen faces with no movement is desirable. And apparently graceful.
Photos attributed to: D’Souza Aesthetics
It is a slippery slope.
The fear of lines and wrinkles with movement of the face when expressing joy, laughter, concentration or anger, all of which are completely natural. Even in the young.
The countless messages on social media and on our screens of plastic looking, shiny faces that don’t seem to exude the joy that words are speaking to, as a desired goal.
Photos attributed to: RH Dr Rachel Ho
How we communicate matters
The rule of communication: 7-38-55 – applies specifically to communicating feelings and attitudes when face-to-face.
It tells us that when we communicate face to face, 7% is due to what we say, 38% tone and 55% body language.
A whopping 93% is tone & body language especially where the words don’t match what’s expressed.
So where does that leave us if we have no movement? How do we communicate anger, sadness, frustration and even, joy? How do children and babies learn emotions if what we say and what our faces show, do not match?
My patients want to feel the full breadth of emotion and have others see these too, without the negative emotions associated with them. But is that possible?
How we approach it
At Skin Essentials we understand that the goal is not only a choice between zero movement and ALL MOVEMENT, no matter how extreme.
All medications and drugs have risk and nuance in how they are meant to be used. When used by non expert clinicians, the risk is high that you will end up overdosing in a way that seems good, but has a longterm negative impact.
“But I get told I look mad! “
Expresson is not bad. Expressions are how we relate to each other 93% of the time!
The point, rather, is that as we age, like tyres on a dirt road, the same movements, repeated hundreds of times a day, create furrows in ageing skin and eventually leave permanent marks on our skin.
It is this evidence, that people respond to when they say
- “Are you ok?”
- “You look angry” or
- “You look unapproachable”.
It is the first triad our FFA patients refer to, looking “mad, bad or sad” or all three, that eventually prompts them to seek help, whether for the first time, or where others have failed.
Do only older women look mad/bad/sad?
No. Some of us can look unapproachable even when younger.
The common term used for this? RBF, which only worsens with age as gravity takes hold in addition to repetitive muscle movements.
Common examples? Kristen Stewart. Anna Kendrick. Ellie Kemper.
And yes, this is more common for women than for men, because patriarchy is well and alive and we live in a system that continues to uphold it.
Some of us have RBF even when young
The enemy is not expression, but everything else that is related to it –
- the pull of the muscles on skin;
- ageing in and of itself;
- thinning skin over time
- thinning of skin over time.
Almost all expressions use all facial muscles to different degrees depending on the emotions. No two faces will express emotion the same way, so no two faces will age the same way.
Expressing yourself is not the problem. Treating every face as a project to be injected by numbers, may be.
So how and when do we treat at Skin Essentials that is different?
We do not believe in “preventative” treatment for lines and wrinkles. That is marketing designed to make you fearful of living your best life long before you need anything.
At Skin Essentials, we treat:
- when you notice lines and wrinkles that are present at rest. Common examples include the 11s, horizontal forehead lines and crows feet;
- RBF when you know where you are headed in time.
- when you notice early drooping of brows, hooding of eyelids and sagging of lower faces over time.
- when you begin to see that some muscles in the face pull on your skin daily and repeatedly in ways that hint at future surgery.
Neutral expressions with age, can look like RBF.
Over months, years & decades, until it seems overnight, you see a face you no longer recognise as yours, that attracts comments you never asked for.
It’s not overnight, it just feels that way, and by then, there are many other issues that have contributed to these changes, whether you realise it or not.
You need more than just a quick fix if it bothers you.
You need an assessment and a treatment plan.
You need a guide so you don’t end up looking worse than at present.
This is why, our signature FFA, is a triad that aims to treat all underlying causes, barring surgery.
Stopping just shy of surgery, it is a whole treatment plan that takes a full face approach to the ageing face without making you look stupid, odd or fake.
It is why we firmly believe and educate you:
- there is no quick fix, no one-size-fits-all solution, to an ageing face.
- to age well while still looking like you, there needs to be a well thought out plan with the one clinic and one doctor.
- it will take time, effort and commitment from you.
- doing it right first time is cheaper than undoing bad work.
Anyone who tells you this is a quick fix, is either lying to you or does not understand the complex process of helping a face age well.
That is why Dr Joshi designed her signature FFA; for the disciplined, committed woman who wants to look her best without looking done.
Read on for our nextl third of the triad – volume replacement